Mary Duffy

 Listening to the radio morning, about the challenges of small talk for disabled people,  I was reminded of double leg amputee Ian Stanton, who died over 20 years ago… Ian was a great singer and wrote songs and one song came to mind that goes along the lines of "How did you get to be like that then . . . was it some great tragedy?"

"I was a stuntman in Jaws Two, and I really earned my fee"

People’s thoughtless invasion of privacy and the lack of basic courtesy afforded to disabled people in the public gaze is little spoken about.  

As a disabled person, I deal a lot with people who are unskilled in the art of striking up a conversation with those perceived as “other”.  

 More often than not, when I'm answering somebody's inquisitive question about whether I paint using my feet are in my mouth, and I challenge them a little with my answer, sometimes they're embarrassed and explain that they're only asking because one of their best friends has no arms/or they know a lot of artists without arms… My next question is kinda cheeky because I've never actually met anybody who could substantiate either of those claims. The person who told me that one of her best friends had no arms couldn't name her and. As for the guy who knew "a lot of artists without limbs” could not name one of them either.

 

Anyway, the point is, I love conversation, but sometimes if it's one direction disability focussed, it can be wearing. This means that I and other disabled people like me are experts at fielding unwanted attention. What interested me in the woman's conversation today was the assumption by the people engaging in small talk that her condition was temporary that she was one of really "one of them"… really an able-bodied person with a temporary inconvenience of a crutch. 

I know the conversation would have been very different if they thought she was permanently incapacitated. I could even predict the direction the conversation would have taken in that case. 

 

.......I predict that if those engaging in small talk considered her a permanently disabled person, their opening comment would have been "You are such an inspiration!"

I think it's ironic that the most frequent opening small talk gambit by non-disabled people about disabled people (designed to compliment), is also top of the list for the most cringeworthy, unwanted small talk by those of us on the receiving end . . . disabled people in the public gaze. 

One only has to listen to Stella Young's TED Talk to appreciate the depth of this little spoken-about, truth. She argues it ought to be referred to as 'Inspiration Porn '  . . . .in fetishising difference and/or tragedy we fetishise all difference and tragedy, and feed off it to make ourselves feel better about our own lives.